Action 170 - De-escalation training
Background: This is an unusual Action Item as it does not involve badgering some elected official to do some specific thing immediately, but provides useful techniques for you to use in the future! On Oct 4, 2025, Josie Chase, Mary Hennessy and Eliza Hill (all from Brooksville) attended a timely workshop conducted by Lynn Stone of Sorrento and San Francisco. Stone works with The Ruckus Society (https://ruckus.org) which has been training people in nonviolent direct action for over 20 years. The workshop entailed exercises that were fun, illustrative of the points that Lynn Stone made, and also increased group cohesiveness and cooperation. The following workshop notes compiled by Eliza will prove useful to us as we go about our protests on October 18 (and beyond, as we canvas door to door, deal with our annoying MAGA relatives, etc.)
Notes from DE-ESCALATION WORKSHOP
Before you go out
Goals:
Articulate your vision of positive change and how it will look in the future. Then try to clarify your goals through three short assertions about what is most important to you.
When knocking on strangers’ doors or when participating in a protest, an important goal is to stay safe and keep others safe through non-violent techniques such as de-escalation.
Neurological Care:
Whether knocking on doors or going to a protest, balance your nervous system so that you can think clearly and abort the fight-or-flight reflex. What are your warning signs when you feel distress or fear? It may start with an uncomfortable feeling before it expands into an automatic response to stress like Freezing, or Appeasing, or full-blown Fight-or-Flight. Your warning sign will remind you to calm yourself. Noticing what information your senses bring to you is one way to re-center in the right circumstances.
Use your own method of regaining your equanimity. Equanimity gives you more self-control so that you can respond in the way you choose rather than as a reflex. One quick and always available method is to take a big breath and feel it as it fills your lungs and brings oxygen to your whole body, head to foot. Exhale and feel the flow of relaxation from your head, through your body and out your feet. You’ve got to breathe so you might as well enjoy it.
Calm allows you to be more aware of what is around you, whether the clouds floating by, how the air feels, changing sounds. Situational awareness is important to be able to notice when you are in a crowd at a protest and need to be aware of what is going on. Or to notice if the person you are talking to becomes rude or hostile and makes you feel uncomfortable. In that case, feel free to make a polite excuse such as thanking them for their time, and leave.
Face to Face
Assumptions:
The brain, although only 2% by weight of the body, uses 20% of the energy available. As humans respond to their environment, neurological shortcuts are needed for the brain save energy. Assumptions lower brain energy demands by putting a lot of information gained in life into a package.
All sorts of information (e.g. what they look like, how they talk) leads to an assumption about that person. A label is attached to many assumptions, for example, this person is: thoughtful, friendly, reserved, flaky, sketchy, wealthy, funny, annoying, charming, stupid, charismatic, lazy, caring, gracious.
Once you have labeled a person, you are decreasing your openness to understanding who they are and what they think, and so you are also lessening their openness to what you have to say.
When you realize you are labeling someone, take a big breath in and empty yourself of assumptions and judgment.
Body language:
As you introduce yourself or begin a conversation, slow down and pay attention. How we say something is more important than what we say.
Facial expression, body movement and posture, hand gestures, eye contact, space, voice - timing and pace, loudness, tone and inflection and sounds that convey understanding like uh-huh or aahh. Our body language can send signals without our even knowing it.
Mirroring the body language of the person you are conversing with will help create an easy flow of information at a comfortable pace. Everyone has experienced a point in a conversation that feels good, a state called synergy, which is sympathetic energy.(1)
Eye contact -absent, overly intense or just right?
Facial expression - emotionally present and interested, or mask-like and unexpressive.
Tone of voice - pitch and pace
Try this. Hum to make your throat vibrate to your touch and then say “Hello, how are you today?” or “That’s interesting that you should say that” from your throat and notice. Do the same from your nose. Then hum from your mouth so your lips vibrate. This usually feels most natural and comfortable to hear.
Speak slowly enough to allow for the receiver to have time to process information and for the sender to speak clearly with good enunciation.
Posture and gesture - relaxed or stiff and tense? Hands clenched or opened toward the other? Quick, firm, gentle, predictable?
Touch Is it appropriate to the situation? Does it make you feel uncomfortable?
Intensity - Over the top, melodramatic, cool, flat, disinterested?
Mirroring is a method of increasing connection, but don’t mirror things you are not comfortable with. If a person’s body language seems too intense, or even aggressive, you may consider using your own body language to de-escalate theirs. If they are standing too near, back up. If their voice is too loud, keep yours resonating through your lips at a comfortable pitch and volume. If their facial expression becomes tense, check yourself to see if you are being too intense, or have stopped listening to them. If their gestures become too expressive, you can keep matching gestures close to your body in the area of your torso.
Active Listening and sharing values:
Define your own goals and de-escalation style.
Do what you can to be centered, calm, cool and collected.
Adjust your body language to de-escalate.
Ask Questions. Use Active listening. Parapharase - “Let me see if I got that right. You said..”
Seek shared goals.
Acknowledge negativity with a neutral response such as “I hear that.”
A helpful acronym when engaging someone in conversation is GIVE stands for Gentle generosity, Inquiry, Validation, Easygoing expression.
Gentle generosity: Try to see past your own assumptions and treat the upset angry person who feels they have not been heard or respected gently. Use gentle body language.
Inquiry: Ask questions.
Validate anything you can even if you think what a person says is untrue. You could say, “I can see how deeply you feel about this.” or “I respect your right to say what you think. That’s in the first amendment of the Bill of Rights.”
Easygoing expression. If you feel that the situation is stuck in a negative space, you could say “Everyone is entitled to their opinion and has the right to express it.”
Keep your eyes and ears open to notice changes in behaviors or the situation.
Quitting is a tool to use if you lose your cool. Your reasons are your own.
Assessing Allies:
While you talk with people to find out what is important to them, and their point of view, assess whether this person is someone who could be an ally. Allies can be categorized in categories. People who:
1. actively agree with you and are working with you to achieve the same goals.
2. agree with you but are not actively working toward the same goals as you.
3. are neutral, uninvolved or uninformed.
4. disagree with you but are not actively working against you.
5. actively working against your goals.
All of the people in categories 1 through 4 might be persuadable to move up into a more congenial category. Persons in category 5 are not in a position to effect the change you wish to see. Save your energy and let them go.
Your safety is important. Pay attention to your gut feelings. If you feel uncomfortable, de-escalate the situation in a neutral way. “I’ve got to go now. Thanks for your time,” and leave.
Acting as a Peacekeeper with people at a protest rally:
If you are a Peacekeeper, you will work in a team with another person. If you spot someone who is displaying signs of anger, ill-will or hate, try to lead the aggressive person away from the crowd. After checking your own state of mind, approach them and use your tools of effective body language and active listening to engage them in conversation. You could say, “I really want to hear what you have to say but it’s so loud. Let’s move away.”
Your team member(s) will move nearby to stay with you. You might have established a Safe Word (e.g. “Clouds”) among yourselves to signal when you need a team member to help de-fuse a situation by stepping in as a distraction, or to play “good cop” or “bad cop”.
While seeing and hearing the other person, and trying to assess their point of view, pay attention to your gut feelings. If you feel uncomfortable, separate yourself in a neutral way. “I’ve got to go now. Thanks for your time,” and leave.
If you feel overwhelmed or too agitated to continue being an effective de-escalator, say the Safe Word so that your team member(s) is alerted to step in.
Interacting with angry people risks violence. Your priority is your safety. If someone becomes verbally abusive to you or near you, that is a red flag, Walk away for safety. IF you don’t, you will now become part of their story and you will play the “Bad Guy”. Opt out by not providing the reactions they expect.
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(1) synergy = the interaction or cooperation of two or more organizations, substances, or other agents to produce a combined effect greater than the sum of th